Cosmik Freeze-Dried Ice Cream

$6 preorder

Here’s what you do. Go hiking with a friend on the most sweltering day of the year. Wait, oh, two hours or so, and then turn to your bud and say, “Hey, how about some refreshing mint chocolate chip ice cream?”

Then reach into your sweaty backpack and watch the expression on your friend’s face. Trust us. It’ll be worth it.

Your bud’s going to figure you went and got yourself brain-fried by the heat. But you’re just fine. “Cosmik Ice Cream is unmeltable,” you’ll assure him.

Now he’s going to suspect you’re a dumbshit who got taken, and it’s going to be hard to convince him otherwise. Melting, he’ll tell you, is as immutable a characteristic of ice cream as you can find. Break that barrier, he’ll say, and it’s like ink that doesn’t spread. Or gasoline that won’t burn.

Wrongo, bud. Cosmik Ice Cream, formerly known as Gastronaut Ice Cream, is the world’s first artisanal freeze-dried ice cream. We’re not sure what artisanal is, except that it ends in anal, which is probably just an unfortunate coincidence. But freeze-dried means that no refrigeration is necessary and you can keep it in your sweaty backpack if you wish.

Cosmik is 100 percent organic, super-premium ice cream that sort of looks like a candy bar. But tastes like Mint Chocolate Chip, Cookies & Cream, Mexican Chocolate Chip and Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip ice cream. Tastes yummy, is what we’re saying.

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